Cognitive Comedians Gifts

Absentmindedness Is Us: Home of that little thingumajig whose name you can never remember.

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

"Motivational seminars are too expensive. Just buy stronger coffee."

"You're good at asking all the right questions. Now let's hear some right answers."

'I'm looking for a workaholic who feels the great job he does is compensation enough.'

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

"Right here is your baby’s infrastructure, and in a month or so we’ll be able to see the analytics."

Personnel. Any experience in crisis management? No...Just production.

"It's going to be huge! Cheese-flavored vodka!"

'What I lack in cognitive flexibility, I make up for in moral flexibility.'

'Our recommended position on the market is fetal.'

"I absolutely guarantee your workloads will not increase."

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

"Do you think Trump has read 'Contemporary Relativism and the Death of Meaning'?"

"Didn't you get the memo? The boss said he was bringing in some experts to help with the company's rebranding."

The Nanuit Have 2,027 Words For Snow, But, After Awhile, They Just Talk About Something Else...

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

"I have always depended on the content of strangers."

"We're looking for someone who'll be available twenty four-seven."

Reception - I believe you wanted to see the man in charge.

'I want my ideas called 'concepts' not 'notions'.'

"Let's vote. All those in favour of flying to Switzerland, withdrawing our secret bank account and splitting?"

'Let's play business. I'll be the chairman of the board and you'll work for me and laugh whenever I tell a joke.'

"The fact that I have multiple personalities and none of them are computer literate is depressing."

"We could hire some sign-wavers to stand by the side of the road and advertise our product."

Communicating with clients without using buzzwords posed a challenge for the consultants.

''Et cetera' implies that you know much more than you really do. . .'

'Your request for a motorcycle as your company car was rejected. However, I'm not totally unreasonable. Enjoy!'

'The plan was idiot-proof. Unfortunately, someone came up with a superior idiot.'

'I preferred my old title of Executive Vice-President.'

"Your personality test shows you are selfish, mean, and lazy. We'd like to offer you a position in management."

'Tell me more about the obscene bonus package.'

"Intern? Oh, no. He wandered in from our day care center."