Comedy Thinker Gifts

"I prefer to think of it as the death expectancy gap."

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

Zenemies.

Medieval Vacation: 'What? I am relaxed. I'm relaxing!'

"I got all 'Cs', but I call that an 'A' report card...'A' for 'Average.'"

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

'I have no one to blame but myself, for now.'

"Ever wondered about the development of mankind if, just before the big bang, a voice said 'Oops!'"

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

"Very impressive resume, however you didn't explain why you were tagged and released from your last job."

"Do you think Trump has read 'Contemporary Relativism and the Death of Meaning'?"

"Give me your metabolism! Now!"

"I don't think of it as copying from Danny's paper ... I think of it as utilizing the Freedom of Information Act."

"What if it's smarter than us?"

Human meat.

Seneca

'Dear editor, today I saw the first cuckold of spring...' (Divorce Lawyer).

'What do they mean 'is borer a beast of the field'?'

"What's it all about?"

"Mind if I tweak it?"

Department de Philosophie

"If they figure out how to clone humans, we're screwed."

The thinker Easter egg

'People just aren't as committed as they used to be.'

"Employees bound to their employer by desperation and fear of unemployment. Now THAT'S my idea of a union!"

"Go home, you're not part of my target market."

'Look, think positively, it's not that bad being a Lab-Rat: It beats living in a sewer most days...'

'I'm not up here seeking wisdom - this is the only place they'll let me smoke.'

'Are they called 'pyramids' because the Pharaoh used a pyramid scheme to finance them?'

Lift at Mouse Hole.

'What did you do with the whale I harpooned yesterday?'