Humorous Thinker Gifts

'I can do something that not even my teacher can do, read my handwriting.'

The empty-pocket syndrome.

'People just aren't as committed as they used to be.'

"I got all 'Cs', but I call that an 'A' report card...'A' for 'Average.'"

"Are we interested in selling this place?"

"Ever wondered about the development of mankind if, just before the big bang, a voice said 'Oops!'"

'There's a lot of talk about safe sex, but I'm not getting any.'

Man chops down palm tree to make coconut shy.

'Look, think positively, it's not that bad being a Lab-Rat: It beats living in a sewer most days...'

'I'm not up here seeking wisdom - this is the only place they'll let me smoke.'

As an environmentalist, I dread the day the last tree is chopped down. As a castaway, I rather encourage it.

Doing my bit to lower unemployment figures, by not actively seeking a job!

"The star next to the Big Dipper is a satellite monitoring this conversation."

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

A woman floats in the pool under the shade of an airplane

Intelligent people laugh too!

"Je suis Descartes, donc, je pense."

Scarcity

Archimedes statue with a lever

Zenemies.

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

"Admit it, we're lost."

Optimist

Medieval Vacation: 'What? I am relaxed. I'm relaxing!'

"Of course it's not clean energy -- We don't have clean ANYTHING!"

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

Schrödinger and his cat

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'