Brainy Comedian Gifts

'It appears he hit an iceberg.' (A LETTUCE)

"Honey, where did you put my Green Lantern cufflinks?!"

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

'In the alternate universe I've come up with, everything would be exactly the same except cats would bark.'

"Do you think Trump has read 'Contemporary Relativism and the Death of Meaning'?"

'Catch this!'

"If we only use 10% of our brains, how am I supposed to get passing grades?"

'I ink, therefore I am....', IF DESCARTES HAD BEEN A CARTOONIST

"You sure you don't want any Pi?"

'It's a government funded study to find out how many wrongs make a right.'

"Maybe Earth's primordial soup did contain polyester."

''Et cetera' implies that you know much more than you really do. . .'

Pavlov's dog eats Schrodinger's cat.

'It's not worth worrying about. There's nothing you can do about it. No two quarks in a small region can occupy the same quantum-mechanical state.'

Entrance code to MENSA club - 'To enter, simply type in the square root of Pi.'

'The stand-up geneticist'

'Every new neurosurgery intern has to make the joke about the patient having an 'open mind' but then they get over it.'

'Granted we have to do the research. And we can do some research on the research. but I don't think we should get involved in research on research on research.'

"...then - and here's the funny part - I add the potassium sulfate..."

The Scientist

A ship sails on water flowing off a flat Earth.

'We're de-salting water?'

Full Frontal Lobe Nudity

"Forget it, Goliath, I've decided to attack you online instead."

'You're new at this, aren't you?'

"See, Mom? I'm not such a know-it-all."

Home convenience goes too far with the lawn-bot 3000!"

'Your car keys are under the sofa, and you like to wear women's shoes.'

'He's disappointed because he heard that site had a high bounce rate, so he thought it had a lot of cleavage.'

'Be careful with that thing, will you? -- I just evolved this brain!'