Compost Comedy Lover Gifts

'Oh gross, manure.'

"....Oh, and the dog's eaten all the fridge magnets."

Water company bonus.

Garden Shop: Top Soil. Bottom Soil.

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

"I've been having stomach problems. I sit on the bathroom for 30 minutes in the morning...and a half-hour in the evening."

'Worms? Have you tried Snyder's mulch pile?'

"Yes dear, you have worked very hard on the garden. Unfortunately though, you've put the compost on the weeds and the weed killer on my best roses."

'The hard hats? In case of falling interest rates.'

"It'll never be ready in time."

Linda discovers she had just baked the wrong ziti

"That's why safety boots are so important. . . you see? Eddie's feet have stayed perfectly dry."

...If sauce has not begun to thicken after 10 minutes, pour contents back into can and wait for your wife to get home.

"Holy smoke. What kind of frosting is that?"

The Mafia Goes Green.

The timing doesn't work for eco-club to start a garden. I have a better idea. Build a compost bin. You can recycle the school's leaves and grass clippings. You'll have good soil for a garden next spring. That's not enough time for college admissions essays. Write about the trauma of delayed gratification. Never heard of it.

Fred began to understand why this kit house was so cheap.

"It was going to be a high-rise office building. But after three bricks, they ran out of money."

Why you should never leave a sander alone in a locked room.

"They're especially bold at this time of year."

"Student driver"

"Mating display of the white-bellied boobie"

'No more beans this week, I think, Matilda.'

'Boy this is a great garden: You can taste the natural compost and fertilizer...'

'It was embarrassing. I always swore I'd die of her cooking.'

Earthly Delights Garden Centre

Eat your salad. Blurg! Now! Quick! Put it into my bag! Finito. Mother! You've started up your compost pile, haven't you? You make it sound so rotten!

"Well, they were the low bidders."

'Please tell me you didn't pay for that stuff.'

'Where would you like your Banksy, love?'

'I find that an hour in the compost pile provides my minimum daily requirement of everything.'

"As a vegan vampire I suck but I don't swallow."

"I've burnt the roast...Turn down the restaurant lighting a touch!"

Brick House Builders. Wolf Says: 'I understand you need a general contractor...'

'How about a little charity begins at home, Mister Contractor of the Year?'