Compost Comedy Lover Pillows

'Oh gross, manure.'

"....Oh, and the dog's eaten all the fridge magnets."

Water company bonus.

Garden Shop: Top Soil. Bottom Soil.

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

'Worms? Have you tried Snyder's mulch pile?'

"Yes dear, you have worked very hard on the garden. Unfortunately though, you've put the compost on the weeds and the weed killer on my best roses."

"I've been having stomach problems. I sit on the bathroom for 30 minutes in the morning...and a half-hour in the evening."

'The hard hats? In case of falling interest rates.'

Linda discovers she had just baked the wrong ziti

"It'll never be ready in time."

...If sauce has not begun to thicken after 10 minutes, pour contents back into can and wait for your wife to get home.

"That's why safety boots are so important. . . you see? Eddie's feet have stayed perfectly dry."

"Holy smoke. What kind of frosting is that?"

The Mafia Goes Green.

"It was going to be a high-rise office building. But after three bricks, they ran out of money."

Fred began to understand why this kit house was so cheap.

Why you should never leave a sander alone in a locked room.

"They're especially bold at this time of year."

"Mating display of the white-bellied boobie"

Earthly Delights Garden Centre

'Boy this is a great garden: You can taste the natural compost and fertilizer...'

'No more beans this week, I think, Matilda.'

'It was embarrassing. I always swore I'd die of her cooking.'

"Student driver"

"Well, they were the low bidders."

'Please tell me you didn't pay for that stuff.'

'Where would you like your Banksy, love?'

"I've burnt the roast...Turn down the restaurant lighting a touch!"

"As a vegan vampire I suck but I don't swallow."

'I find that an hour in the compost pile provides my minimum daily requirement of everything.'

'How about a little charity begins at home, Mister Contractor of the Year?'

"We use the cheapest ingredients and pass the savings on to you."