Eco-conscious Comedy Fan Gifts

"The place hasn't been the same since that hole in the ozone opened up!"

Striving to reduce our dependence on fossil fuels, scientists attempt to harness the energy of a toddler's tantrum.

'It's not easy being green on grass!'

Water company bonus.

"Can I get this to go in an organic, locally recycled, eco-friendly doggie bag?"

'But Honey, if we have kids, we won't be endangered anymore: We will lose all the social benefits and attention...'

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

"I wouldn't take the name 'dog strangling vine' literally."

Where's my global warming?

Climate Conference. I'm glad you enjoyed my speech, but please don't call it the "high-water mark."

"Brilliant! And then all they have to do is stop them flying at night."

Oil Spill Hits Wall St.

"He's a keen conservationist - especially where energy and water are concerned."

"I modified the symbol for accuracy."

'So there's global warming. What possible harm could it do?'

'I'd say that our transport policy couldn't get any greener'

"Pff! That orang utan's obviously a crisis actor!"

Will work for manure.

"Hide? What do you mean hide? We are literally camouflage and they still eat us!"

'It's a very common plant on earth.'

"Okay, it's agreed, - if Trump gets elected we won't be heading south for the winter."

"Your DNA test came back – you're 49% from the Amazon, 49% from the Caribbean, and 2% from some plastics plant in Texas."

We've gotten all we can with traditional drilling techniques. What do you know about fracking?

'Yeah we went for the hybrid car in the end. Margaret loves it.'

'Gene Pool'

Earth-Friendly Financial Services: "Working to protect our planet by accumulating vast piles of your money."

'You do realize you're polluting the world with that thing!'

"There's no such thing as a vegan flytrap."

Recycle your problems. Many of our neuroses, hang-ups and character defects can be re-used by others.

Well, good luck evolving, son, and don't do anything I wouldn't do! You know, like destroy the planet or something.

'What kind of mileage do you get?'

'How can anyone say our factory isn't green? Most of our waste is that colour!'

'I want you to know we're 100% sustainable now. We've phased out tarpits and switched to solar panels and double glazing!'

Tofurkey.

'If it'll make you any happier, we're biodegradable, too.'