Eco-conscious Joke Fan Gifts

Firewood for Sale

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

"I wouldn't take the name 'dog strangling vine' literally."

Oil Spill Hits Wall St.

"He's a keen conservationist - especially where energy and water are concerned."

"I modified the symbol for accuracy."

'...the downside, of course, is that I can't get the damn thing in the garage.'

"Pff! That orang utan's obviously a crisis actor!"

"Okay, it's agreed, - if Trump gets elected we won't be heading south for the winter."

"Your DNA test came back – you're 49% from the Amazon, 49% from the Caribbean, and 2% from some plastics plant in Texas."

Vegetarian restaurant: 'Two vegetarians please.'

'Yeah we went for the hybrid car in the end. Margaret loves it.'

Earth-Friendly Financial Services: "Working to protect our planet by accumulating vast piles of your money."

"Killing the environment with sackfuls of gift tat, i-gadgets, single-use packaging, and novelty socks - anything other than: 'Ho-Ho-Ho!' to add to your defense?"

"You've got an organ donation card? Great! Now I can officially eat you when you're dead."

'Another advantage is everyone will have better tans.'

'Gene Pool'

"Wait a minute. Isn't tonight the water conservation rally?"

'You do realize you're polluting the world with that thing!'

"Which one of you keeps turning the air conditioning down to 30 degrees?"

Renewable energies and mobile telephones

'We used to migrate, but we heard that flying is bad for the environment.'

'We'll need a different package. It deems the new preservative dissolves cardboard.'

'I want you to know we're 100% sustainable now. We've phased out tarpits and switched to solar panels and double glazing!'

Despite the abundance of giant corks on the frontier, zero emission vehicles never caught on in the Old West.

I have a low flow toilet ... but not by design.

Now, this is a good garden: full of weeds! The likelyhood of somebody trying to poison us here is very low...

I'm fully aware of the mission for a paperless society, but can I please have a toilet-roll for the gents?

'And I'm pleased to report that we were able to reduce our carbon footprint...'

Phone Book Removal Service.

"This is the irrefutable proof that the world will end in 35 minutes. With this knowledge we can make millions! We just have to be damn fast. . ."

'Of course it's worth it, think of the water we're saving.'