Compost Comedian Gifts

Eat your salad. Blurg! Now! Quick! Put it into my bag! Finito. Mother! You've started up your compost pile, haven't you? You make it sound so rotten!

"I lost control of the mower and composted most of your garden."

Striving to reduce our dependence on fossil fuels, scientists attempt to harness the energy of a toddler's tantrum.

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

"Charles didn't like tofu."

"Can I get this to go in an organic, locally recycled, eco-friendly doggie bag?"

'Worms? Have you tried Snyder's mulch pile?'

"Yes dear, you have worked very hard on the garden. Unfortunately though, you've put the compost on the weeds and the weed killer on my best roses."

Recycling bottle bank.

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

Where's my global warming?

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."

Climate Conference. I'm glad you enjoyed my speech, but please don't call it the "high-water mark."

"Of course I care about the environment, I never throw any clothes away."

"How do you know it's my leaves clogging the shower drain?"

"Brilliant! And then all they have to do is stop them flying at night."

The timing doesn't work for eco-club to start a garden. I have a better idea. Build a compost bin. You can recycle the school's leaves and grass clippings. You'll have good soil for a garden next spring. That's not enough time for college admissions essays. Write about the trauma of delayed gratification. Never heard of it.

The Mafia Goes Green.

'I'd say that our transport policy couldn't get any greener'

'So there's global warming. What possible harm could it do?'

"Road construction used to bother me. But compared to all the craziness going on in the world, I'll take this any day."

Beep' 'beep' 'beep' 'beep'' - 'Slam!' - 'Great... another long week of pain and humiliation ahead...' - ''Click'' - 'God, Ilove my job.' - '' -

'Boy this is a great garden: You can taste the natural compost and fertilizer...'

'If the drain's clogged with food, why not clean it out with some high fiber bran flakes?'

Things Women Never Say: 'Sorry I'm late boss. I was talking to my husband and he wouldn't stop listening.'

'Please tell me you didn't pay for that stuff.'

Paper Bath Towels.

Will work for manure.

La Tour 2007.

"Hide? What do you mean hide? We are literally camouflage and they still eat us!"

Metrocard error messages

'It's a very common plant on earth.'

igloo smoking zone...