Commitment Commentator Gifts

"There's nothing wrong with you, Steve - it's just you're the incumbent."

'We were divorced, remarried, and divorced again. Now we're just living together.'

Spark Notes Wedding Vows

"Tell me, Gregory, that I'm not just a lark."

I was married to my job and suddenly there was a love triangle.

"After seventeen years of marriage, could we once not split the check?"

"... No, you're not my first husband. But, you're the first one who's ever been married to me."

"Before marriage, she let me twist in the wind, after, she nailed me to the wall."

Marriage & Divorce.

She agreed to marry me, but she has to marry three other guys first.

"There's an advantage to marrying late in life; I'll probably die before she has a chance to divorce me."

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

Two grooms/wedding guests raise a glass.

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

'No, but thanks for asking.'

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

'I need someone who is willing to make a commitment not someone who's just interested in ruffling my feathers.'

A Reasonable Time for Concern

Various Traps.

'Either you say 'I do' or you don't -- You can't plead nolo contendere.'

'And do you promise to be the one out of two marriages that does not end in divorce.'

'I didn't know the church sold an extended warrenty on marriage?'

'It's my wedding ring: My wife insists I wear it here to stop me flirting with other females...'

Monogamy

"I have been happily married... three times!"

"Before I say, I do. Just let me run those vows past my best lawyer."

'I'm writing my New Year's resolutions.' - 'I resolve to finish everything that I start.'

"'Better or worse' and 'richer or poorer' are NOT choices."

Single girl in wedding dress trying to catch a bachelor.

"Are there any available upgrade options?"

'In just six hours you will be simultaneously cured of your fear of snakes, heights, small spaces and commitment.'

'...Love, honor, and obey, no strings attached?'