Marriage Commitment Commentator Gifts

Em"And do you, Gloria, take Norman to be your emergency contact person?"

'I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death.'

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

'No, but thanks for asking.'

She agreed to marry me, but she has to marry three other guys first.

"This not the way I envisioned falling in love."

"It's a legal document authorizing you to carry out a Do Not Resuscitate order on my behalf, although heaven knows, you have a hard enough time cancelling a magazine subscription."

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

'No, he didn't have any last words,his wife was in there and she did all of the talking right up to the end.'

Man in traffic jam watches couple row while eating popcorn.

'There's a NAGGING blog?'

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

". . . and do you, John, give up your smug air of bemused detachment for the demands of marriage?"

We would have come to you sooner, but he wouldn't ask for directions.

'So is this your lazy days of summer, or are we still working on spring?'

"Now who's being judgy?"

Marriage & Divorce.

"Yes I know...she just needs a passport!"

"I don't see what you see in him."

"I'm a vegan. I don't know what made me order a cheeseburger. Maybe I've got the flesh eating disease."

'Her being multi-lingual has it's drawbacks I'm afraid-she nags me in SIX languages!'

'oh...You're home, just when my spirits were rising.'

"Our guest is Dr. Paul Veblin, renowned marriage counselor and resident of nearby Southport, where he lives with his 6th wife."

'My husband's first name? Heck, I don't know! I call him `wimp` since we met the first time'!

'This is a simple proclamation-of-lack-of-interest date.'

'So, did your marriage counseling work?', 'It sure did! -- She ran off with the marriage counselor!'

'Here's a list of women I want you to stay away from at the party tonight.'

"And that's another thing, when did you last take me out ?"

'I'm no good at sports, so I'll just have to settle for a trophy wife.'

"It's over between us Brian. . . as soon as I've announced it on twitter."

"I said I was sorry. No need to bite my head off!"

'We have separate bedrooms because I snore and because I can't stand the sight of her.'

Spark Notes Wedding Vows

"I liked you better as my first husband."

Elderly spinster commenting on a marriage