Marriage Commentary Fan Gifts

"We divided it up so I do everything right and he does everything wrong."

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

"Yes ... no!"

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"Ah-h, her comes my better half now."

'I told you he had a temper.'

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

'The coalition of the willing.'

'Sharing the same skin-type is fine. But, as a basis for a stable marriage...'

'No, he didn't have any last words,his wife was in there and she did all of the talking right up to the end.'

"I got my wife a book on decluttering and the first thing to go was me."

'What did I say to annoy you? I may want to say it again.'

'We can't get a divorce... we haven't paid for the wedding.'

'So is this your lazy days of summer, or are we still working on spring?'

'Forget about marriage conselling: Me, I sent Max to Obedience School instead...'

'oh...You're home, just when my spirits were rising.'

"My wife isn't speaking to me."

'It'll get better, Vinny - my marriages always have a bad first quarter.'

"Yes I know...she just needs a passport!"

"I remember when you used to whisper sweet nothings in my ear."

"Yes, this is exactly how wars start—because of someone's insensitivity!"

'You wanted me to take you to my leader. Well, my wife is my leader.'

"Not only, she drives me crazy - she found me a car pool!"

'To be perfectly honest, I cross the road to get away from my husband.'

"These oaths aren't binding all weekend are they?"

'I don't mind him smoking in bed. . .But not herrings.'

"I said I was sorry. No need to bite my head off!"

"It's his favorite time of year."

Married people live longer

"I'll be back – I'm going to run from my emotions."

QANON PROUD BOY

"I liked you better as my first husband."