Commandment Keeper Gifts

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

''No other gods before me'? Oh - You're one of THOSE types.'

'These sure rule out a lot of options....'

'What about three-day Sabbaths?'

'Thou shall not covet the neighbours same sex partner.'

"Don't forget the screenplay."

'Does it come on Disc?'

"No, it's not a to-do lost."

"I'll do whatever it takes to save this marriage. Even if that means having to work weekends."

'Do you realize it takes over 2000 laws to enforce the ten commandments?'

New Years Reolutions

"Go forth and multiply under the constraint of sustainability within Nature's framework? What the heck is THAT supposed to mean?"

'Just think of me as your life coach.'

'Yes, your wedding vows are still binding even if you DID get married during the Clinton administration.'

How To Keep Promises

'These people have terrible attention spans - I'll just bring them ten commandments at a time.'

"Okay, so the object of the game is to get into the most pedantic fight about the rules."

'I think we're going to need an ANNOTATED edition.'

MAKE ME PROUD OF YOU!, 'We may want to include more specific instructions.'

'How about bearing false witness for you neighbor?'

'The bad news is, 'Though shalt not kick thy dog' was dropped.'

It takes 2000 laws to enforce the 10 commandments.

'But we've got laws on the books now that we can't enforce!'

'Is there any way we could ease into these GRADUALLY?'

Moses with the Ten Commandments on a Ski Lift

'Okay, now...while holding down the commandment key, type in the number ten.'

These tablets are heavy. Didn't you create the internet on the fifth night? Couldn't you just post these commandments on your blog?

'And don´t return until you find the shameless who took the tablet with the seventh commandment'

'No, I'm not going to go back to ask for a little more wiggle room.'