Comical Couch Debater Gifts

Aflac Fan and Matlock Fan Argue

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

'John is watching the game under protest.'

"We subscribe to five streaming services so why are we never able to see the hot new show everybody is raving about?"

"Fancy dyeing your hair white so everyone could see it was you who played a shocker!"

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

Your problems are all in your head, Al. This time you're wrong, doctor. I happen to be lying on my keys. The problem is not in my head. It's in my left buttock.

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

"Arthur, the bird's gone and done it again."

"It's not just me, Dad. Amazon.com has never made a cent, either."

"I'm suffering the unbearable loneliness of being right on the internet."

'I'm going to refer you to Dr. Keinsorge -- he actually enjoys this sort of thing.'

'That's a full ten minutes with the TV off. What now?'

"When I was a teenager 'Saturday Night Live' had Mike Myers, Chris Farley, Phil Hartman..."

'Next on News 7...GM offers to bail out the government in the event of a shutdown...'

"I am a control freak."

To tweet, or not to tweet - that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the snark and the venomous replies of anonymous jerks

There is no limit to the amount of nonsense that men can talk about football.

"I've seen this film ten times and it's still awful."

"This is for all the things you have already heard about via social media."

"You know I always sit there for my keep fit programme!"

Oh no! What's wrong? I tweeted a sarcastic insult about Brian Blount, my nemesis in the race for class president. So? So … the sarcasm didn't come through. All my followers think I was praising him. Oh. Yeah, well sarcasm's tricky online. Oh no! My followers are confused about where my loyalties lie. Oh no! Some of them are calling me a sellout. They're saying they're disillusioned! Oh no! Now they've split into two factions, those who say I'm a sellout and those who say maybe Brian Blount isn't

If you're going to wear a GoPro, Larry, you have to actually go.

Mud Slinging

'I told you, never utter that four letter work - 'walk!''

The controversy of ROW VS WAIT: 'Row, to find fish!'

"I want you to be open and honest and to not leave any hair on the couch."

"Why can't you just bat the ball of yarn around like other cats?"

WARNING - This Programme Contains No Strong Language.....

"It's the first law of social media."

'He's training for the London Marathon,he watches it every year.'

"WHatever happened to mutual cooperation for the good of the country?"