Comedy Critter Collector Gifts

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

Occu-Pie Mars

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

Build your very own conflict of interest!

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

"If you ask me, wearing these things only makes them nervous."

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

'What did one flea ask the other?' 'Shall we walk or take the dog?'

'Those bears are so cute I wish we could have brought them home.'

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

Banana Split...

"A GPS! Thanks guys! It's exactly what I need to guide my sleigh...you know, in light of that unfortunate hunting accident."

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

Filet minion

Drink for me and my hot mamma. Now! We don't serve beer. Latte. Two, punk! Decaf. You don't want to see him angry. Also, low-foam and soy milk would be great. You don't want to see him gassy. Can I get one of those little Twizzler sticks to stir it with? Cube of brown sugar, please. And one nonfat blueberry scone! Two! I'd like to see how John Wayne would've ordered a fancy coffee drink.

'Rover isn't any good at catching frisbees. You've heard of stone hands?...he's got a stone mouth.'

'You do a passable Jerry Lewis, but your Frank Sinatra stinks.'

'Big sale at the Dog Store. Buy 1, get 2 free.'

"The Eggsorcist"

Turtle Hat

E-Baying @ The Moon

Snowmobull

'Rabbits make great pets, but it's best to have them one at a time.'

"This is a great school but it wasn't my first choice."

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

'Crushing empty beer cans is for wimps.'

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

A trevor of trainspotters

"Yes, if that towel weighs 25 lbs that would explain the reading."

"Whose the new guy?"

'I reckon we need a new sweeper.'

What happened when the bond issues failed during the building of the Great Wall of China: The Great Picket Fence of China.

The mysterious ancient stone figures of Keister Island.

'I'm SECRET Santa, kid.'

The embarrassment of mistaking a salon for a saloon.