Comedy Critter Fan Gifts

'She saved the best for last!'

"Hi, we're Indri Lemurs and we'd like to become EU members because we're an endangered species! Until then please send us some weapons so we can defend ourselves against extinction!"

"If you ask me, wearing these things only makes them nervous."

"Ok, let's get those knuckles up off the ground, arms way up high now, feet wide apart. . ."

'You do a passable Jerry Lewis, but your Frank Sinatra stinks.'

Bubble gum leaves

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

Pet Entertainers

'Oh come on! I can't be that bad!'

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

Dog traps the postman.

Paging for a Doctor

'Hey, you could get arrested for doing stuff like... Oh, you ARE getting arrested.'

'I refuse to believe that Winkie was a terrorist.'

"Come on... you love knocking things off the counter!"

Dog Realtor

Servant Painting Targets Around Arrows Shot by a King

'Your manuscript was delicious.'

"I didn't want him growing up to be like his father."

"That's the pill I gave the cat this afternoon!"

'Bring back my crystal ball!'

Joe Hundredaire

"And with that being said Polly became dinner." "Polly wanna cracker?" "Polly wanna piece of yo mama's sweet behind." "Oh boy..."

"Everything I had in my shell is now on my tablet."

Cat Chores

'I know it's your bed, but she's our guest. Sorry, sweetie, but you're going to have to sleep on the couch.'

Dog makes cats float with helium.

"He's a bird-dog."

'Yes, I did watch three pay-per-view movies while you were gone. Just how long did you expect a ball of yarn to entertain me?'

Gatorade!

Blood Donor Centre

Crufts "If you can read this you are too close"

I can't come in today. I haven't got chronic diarrhoea!

"O.K.—I've got the tongue."

"Well, if I had to guess -- I'd say it's undigested homework."