Comedic Surgery Gifts

Plastic explosive surgeon.

Do you think I'm sixty?

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

'Of course she hasn't aged a bit. She's married to a plastic surgeon!'

"If they do let anyone go I don't think age will be a consideration. You shouldn't kill yourself trying to look younger than you are."

"Went with the hair plugs I see."

"How are the new lips feeling babe?"

"It's only until the gas prices go down and I can afford to drive the car again. Maybe you should have an ambulance follow me."

"Now, now, relax. All you're gonna feel is a quick jab."

Dr. and Mrs. Steven Mueller.

Body Building

'Well, that WAS an impressive string of obscenities, but I think I'll stick with the Hippocratic oath.'

"I don'y know who did her, but when she laughs the wrinkles go in very weird directions."

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

'We're looking with someone with balls...not an enlarged prostate.'

Might be time to lighten up on those collagen implants, hon.

A question you don't want - "How many fingers am I holding up."

'Botox.'

"And there we have it, gentlemen! The first full face transplant swap of twins."

'If you ain't broke, I'll fix it.'

Tragedy and Remedy.

Plastic surgery is a scream.

'I turn the other cheek more now that Botox has made it wrinkle-free.'

'The pain in my head always seems to subside when I flush your bills down the toilet!'

"Whisky? Have you got anything stronger?"

'We'll have a bed for you in a couple of days.'

'After having the botox injections in my lips I can handle really hot coffee.'

"What I Had Done Over My Summer Vacation."

Al, you need to get over your childish desire for a pony. It's not childish, doctor. I only started wanting one last week.

"He may have a royal flush. He may have a pair of twos. It's impossible to tell since he had Botox."

At the office of Dr. Picasso, Plastic Surgeon

'She had a boob job halfway through the sitting!'

"Do you think he'll look like me when he grows up?"

How The Elephant Lost Her Trunk

'I had a little cosmetic surgery done this week.'