Comedic Renovator Gifts

'You sure we can't afford another ladder?'

Painting by the numbers for adults

Painting the Ceiling

'I love my new easylife artist's easel.'

'I found the termites!'

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

'We've knocked out the interior walls to improve our home Wi-Fi coverage.'

'And when you're done here honey, I have a nice periwinkle picked out for the foyer!'

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"

' ... and this is the half bath.'

'I'm so excited to be remodeling the bathroom'

Before they settled on water, shower pioneers experimented with a number of alternatives, including spaghetti,

'Harry won't even build me a new kitchen.'

"Hello, and welcome to 'Homes Under the Hammer. . .'"

'Dad, this is something I knocked up in the shed.'

'How are you doing on your side?'

Cut out and keep your own D.I.Y expert.

"I thought this was a do it YOURself project."

"It's about time you finished the wall, Herbet...that's your problem, you never finish anything you start!"

"We'd like you to think of it not as a 'brick', but rather as an essential component of a potential self-build project."

WC problem.

"At least you have taste when it comes to your computer's wallpaper."

'This fish looked bored so we installed a rec room below their tank.'

'It's lovely. Have you actually built a flat-pack kitchen before?'

'Of course, some assembly is required. That's why my bid was so low.'

"We're thinking Shag Carpet. I'm tired of hardwood floors."

'I know it's hard to believe, but before this, I'd never built a thing!'

'Let's take out a second mortgage and add a pizza garage.'

'I've spent the last 20 years modernising the house and now you say it looks old-fashioned!'

"On our budget, I'm glad the Keebler Elves were available."

"Admittedly, it is a bit of a 'fixer upper'."

Now if you're looking for a handy fixer-upper

"What do you have that's bigger than 'king'?"

"We'd like to buy your house, then offer you the job of demolishing it."

"It's a quote form the builder, he says that the $2000 will just cover the cost of him coming over to laugh at us!"