Comedic Surgery Pillows

Plastic explosive surgeon.

Do you think I'm sixty?

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

"Went with the hair plugs I see."

"If they do let anyone go I don't think age will be a consideration. You shouldn't kill yourself trying to look younger than you are."

'Of course she hasn't aged a bit. She's married to a plastic surgeon!'

Dr. and Mrs. Steven Mueller.

'Well, that WAS an impressive string of obscenities, but I think I'll stick with the Hippocratic oath.'

"How are the new lips feeling babe?"

"Now, now, relax. All you're gonna feel is a quick jab."

"It's only until the gas prices go down and I can afford to drive the car again. Maybe you should have an ambulance follow me."

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

"I don'y know who did her, but when she laughs the wrinkles go in very weird directions."

Body Building

'We're looking with someone with balls...not an enlarged prostate.'

Might be time to lighten up on those collagen implants, hon.

"And there we have it, gentlemen! The first full face transplant swap of twins."

'Botox.'

A question you don't want - "How many fingers am I holding up."

'If you ain't broke, I'll fix it.'

Tragedy and Remedy.

'I turn the other cheek more now that Botox has made it wrinkle-free.'

"Whisky? Have you got anything stronger?"

'The pain in my head always seems to subside when I flush your bills down the toilet!'

Woman leaves cosmetic surgery as her waste skin is dumped in skip.

"What I Had Done Over My Summer Vacation."

'Yeh it's just that I haven't been able to swim on my front,since my boob job.'

"I guess I'll never understand women."

At the office of Dr. Picasso, Plastic Surgeon

'She had a boob job halfway through the sitting!'

'If you want them balanced, it'll be an extra 250 dollars.'

'We'll have a bed for you in a couple of days.'

"Do you think he'll look like me when he grows up?"

How The Elephant Lost Her Trunk

'I had a little cosmetic surgery done this week.'