Comedic Skeptic Gifts

'It's bad enough I get overrules at home... why here also, Sharon?'

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

"Of course it's alien abductions! How else would you explain the, 'November Phenomenon'?"

Zoo: No Hunting.

'This chair ain't big enough for the both of us.'

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

I'm not substitute teaching after all. How come? They wanted a criminal background check! I was a principal for 15 years. They know me! Yes, but

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

"There Adam. Isn't that a lot more comfortable than that silly little fig leaf?"

'He keeps grounding out the energy flow.'

Genetic Fingerprinting.

'Don't call the Nobel Committee just yet: We forgot to calibrate the instruments before the experiment...'

'This stuff is all well and good son, but when are you going to get a proper job?'

I must be losing my grip, he didn't query the bill...

"It's not just me, Dad. Amazon.com has never made a cent, either."

'I'm sorry Martha, but I've fallen in love with a light bulb.'

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

'As soon as I mention Nietzsche - stop serving me, okay.'

"If Einstein is correct, when we get back, my car will have been double parked for 320 years."

'Listen son-if God had wanted us to fly he would have given us air tickets.'

Pop up begger.

"The school construction budget is so small we can't even afford to build a snowman."

"If atheism is a religion, why hasn't it broken up into splinter groups who murder each other?"

Boris Johnson lies his way out of trouble

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

'We've minimized your tax liability by losing a lot of your principle.'

"Please excuse our appearance while our records are being impounded."

Right now my brother Al is paying a psychiatrist a hundred bucks an hour to hear his troubles, while I'm drinking beer and telling you mine at happy hour prices. Obviously, Al IS the crazy one.

Tree growing

So the short answer is no; these aren't billable hours.

"Great pet, but we should have given him less energy."

"Do I take it that we can't be guaranteed your vote in the forthcoming election?"

"I expected to see some politicians in there!"