Comedic Punishment Ponderers Gifts

"But I thought once the I.R.S. applied a penalty, that was the end of it."

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

Extreme Sisyphus

"I'm learning to live with existence."

"This number goes out to all the little people I met on my way back down."

Ten Commandments

'What I lack in cognitive flexibility, I make up for in moral flexibility.'

"You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!"

'As I recall you were the one who told him that he couldn't take it with him.'

'Remember that outfit, Miss Wilson, that you said you wouldn't be seen dead wearing?'

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

Man In The Stocks Used As A Clock

"Great, now we're lost."

"Imagine There's No Heaven. It's Easy If You Try..."

Off to a bad start.

'He intentionally entangles his face mask in my hand!'

'You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!'

"Can you hold on a sec? I just have to condemn this guy to death real quick."

"I let go of all my earthly attachments, but there's one I can't seem to shake."

'Before we begin, let's say a little prayer for humility.'

Jealousy

"The arc of the moral universe."

How cats see their home

'Holding! Number 74 on the offense!... Fifteen years to life in prison...'

"When I said the surgery was minimally invasive I wasn't talking about your finances."

'It wasn't the strength of your argument. It was your breath.'

A confinement of convicts

When psychiatry works too well!

"Nobody wants to hear our stories about death from natural causes."

Man to lady: 'Prisons are overcrowded, so we're seeing more sentences of timeout instead.'

'I hope we don't start getting competition from redundant bankers homes.'

'The rot set in when I started doing these things in my own image - my early stuff was better.'

'Have you ever thought that being damned for all eternity to a lake of eternal fire might mask a deeper problem?'

'You know what I really miss? -- living dangerously.'