Prison Life Ponderers Gifts

Book on Time Management in prison.

'My wife says I take all the romance out of our conjugal visits.'

'I can't believe you gave them your resume instead of the holdup note!'

"It's no use, Ed, I just can't sleep. I miss my wife's . . . snoring!"

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

Extreme Sisyphus

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

"I'm learning to live with existence."

Ten Commandments

'As I recall you were the one who told him that he couldn't take it with him.'

'Remember that outfit, Miss Wilson, that you said you wouldn't be seen dead wearing?'

"If we take a late retirement and an early death, we'll just squeak by."

"The industry has agreed to take the pensions dashboard off our hands. . ."

"Imagine There's No Heaven. It's Easy If You Try..."

Man In The Stocks Used As A Clock

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

"Great, now we're lost."

"The pension crisis prompted me to consider alternative invstments. Like Roulette."

Off to a bad start.

"Can you hold on a sec? I just have to condemn this guy to death real quick."

'I tell ya Frank, if we find one of these babies big enough, we could live forever!'

"I just don't know what to do with myself in that long stretch after college but before social security."

Creator's Remorse

A confinement of convicts

"The arc of the moral universe."

"Don't you think after thirty years of marriage you could stop referring to me as 'the military'?"

"Nobody wants to hear our stories about death from natural causes."

'You know what I really miss? -- living dangerously.'

'Have you ever thought that being damned for all eternity to a lake of eternal fire might mask a deeper problem?'

'The rot set in when I started doing these things in my own image - my early stuff was better.'

Shoplifter behind a barcode.

"I gave him a public education Artie ol' boy. . . you should know by now that government schools are one of my best minion corporations!"

'The prisons are full, so I'm sentencing you to marry Rosie O'Donnell.'

Eggs That Were Anagarms In Past Lives -'Unscramble Me'.

"Well...this constant badness is just sooo wearisome...."