Prison Pondering Gifts

'Have I failed so as a mother, Robert?'

Crowded Ice Fishing

"I thought there would be bacon here."

Extreme Sisyphus

"Sitting here with you each day at sunset reminds me I have to get a job."

'Remember that outfit, Miss Wilson, that you said you wouldn't be seen dead wearing?'

Shakespeare in the clink

'Let's get a kitty.'

Man In The Stocks Used As A Clock

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

'Naughty? Nice? Santa, I don't deal in absolutes.'

'Sometimes, in the stillness and warmth of an afternoon sun, I can almost hear interest compounding.'

'Yes sir, Thoreau had the right idea.'

"Have you tried turning off your conscious mind and then turning it back on again?"

Fish sleeps while counting worms that jump over a fence.

'I warned him that this was no place for a guy with inner-ear problems.'

'How come there aren't any peace heroes?'

'Well, in my case, Muzak DOESN'T help with meditation!'

A confinement of convicts

"I dreamed Lucian Freud was coming to paint us."

'The prisons are full, so I'm sentencing you to marry Rosie O'Donnell.'

Shoplifter behind a barcode.

'Don't fight it, Fred - Just go with the flow.'

"How do you feel about plea bargaining?"

'Are you the dove of peace?' 'Yes. What the hell d'you want?'

'You're not really into this, are you Mahoney?'

I Do Not have OCD

"Always wondered what happened if you tried to drive through without a card."

'Credit crunch? Wassat then?'

"My mind is especially empty today."

'If it's any consolation, us getting sent to the Principal's office is now trending on Twitter.'