Comedic Misunderstandings Gifts

'Relax... When I said, your husband's swimming with the fishes. I merely meant that he's gone SCUBA diving with the boss.'

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

'The school. My counselor told me to make the most of it...'

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

'Remember you told me to be friendly to your boss.'

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

Pessimists v Optimists.

Whiskey wars

"It's not just me, Dad. Amazon.com has never made a cent, either."

Boris Johnson lies his way out of trouble

"The school construction budget is so small we can't even afford to build a snowman."

"Please excuse our appearance while our records are being impounded."

Pop up begger.

"Do I take it that we can't be guaranteed your vote in the forthcoming election?"

'It's bad enough I get overrules at home... why here also, Sharon?'

'It wasn't the strength of your argument. It was your breath.'

Right now my brother Al is paying a psychiatrist a hundred bucks an hour to hear his troubles, while I'm drinking beer and telling you mine at happy hour prices. Obviously, Al IS the crazy one.

'What? Didn't your parents ever tell you who delivers babies???'

'I hope we don't start getting competition from redundant bankers homes.'

London Congestion & Polution Zone - 'What's your problem? I thought Boris was in charge now.'

"Excuse me - could you tell me which recession we are in at the moment?"

"Online I said I was 'blond and curvy', I didn't say I was a woman!"

"Is there anybody there?"

'It just seem excessive, somehow -- buying a big-screen, high-definition TV to watch Geraldo with.'

Safety Pin

"You read the exit sign. The eye chart is behind you."

Two women are hosting a radio show called Ask Sadie.

"But we make a killing on auto repairs...if we encourage people to fix things themselves first."

"This is not the sleeping beauty I paid good money to see!"

Fat Cats and Dogs

"We've got kind of a noir thing happening here, Manny. The girlie cigarette doesn't exactly add."

End of the Pier Show

'Aside from the cockroach, how was everything?'

Robot Bores