Misunderstandings Gifts

"Will you pull your stupid pants up? This is a RETINAL scanner you idiot."

'He must be pleased with me. He's wagging his finger.'

'I sincerely thank you for your concern, but I'm only setting up a swing.'

'You idiot, I said 'ark', not 'park'.'

"Online I said I was 'blond and curvy', I didn't say I was a woman!"

we take plastic - "The sign doesn't mean we take plastic coins."

'Remember you told me to be friendly to your boss.'

'The school. My counselor told me to make the most of it...'

Love at First Sight

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

"My guess it's guacamole."

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'

'Relax... When I said, your husband's swimming with the fishes. I merely meant that he's gone SCUBA diving with the boss.'

"I thought you meant we had a security leak."

'Wellington!...Come take a look at this!...I've never seen anything like it!...Some sort of early sun worship etching perhaps!'

'What?... You wanted your horse SHOD!?'

'Mrs. Peterson. . . Sgt. O'Leary here, I'm afraid there's been an accident and your husband is in a comma.'

'I feel awful. Coach was clutching his throat and turning blue, but I thought it was the 'bunt' sign.'

'...and then, when I asked if I could see her home, she showed me a photograph of her house.'

"That isn't what the doctor meant by 'push fluids'."

'Darn it Mother! I'm not MISSING! I'm just working DOUBLES this month!'

"Look, told ya – it’s a Romney poster!"

"Well I say we go on without him..."

"Till now I always thought of the gravy train as a good thing."

"Are you mad at me or just chewing tobacco?"

'And here you can see one of the incredibly boring amusement park rides that were so beloved in the 20th century.'

"My audio is okay, but my video is kind of sore"

'I'm not sure if I'm a vegan or not but I do only eat animals that are herbivores.'

'Did you or did you not tell me to collect the glasses?'

'You misunderstood. Our ad says that we can help you get out of debt.'

"Can I help you find or lose something?"

'I've got a hernia.' - 'It's not catching, is it?'

'When he said he collected models, I thought he meant little plastic planes ...'

"Why can't they ring the bell for themselves...??"