Medical Misunderstandings Gifts

'I've got a hernia.' - 'It's not catching, is it?'

'The school. My counselor told me to make the most of it...'

If these are your medications, what happened to the beads I bought?

"Your test results are in...now the interpretations can begin."

'Remember you told me to be friendly to your boss.'

Your heart is doing well with the pig valve we put in. Now, what was your question?

'Well, that WAS an impressive string of obscenities, but I think I'll stick with the Hippocratic oath.'

"I don't think the crackling sound coming from your lower back is as serious as you thought. Just relax and I'll have this Rice Krispie Square out of your back pocket in no time."

I'd like a second opinion on your self-diagnosis - So a random guy from the waiting room is googling your symptoms.

"Online I said I was 'blond and curvy', I didn't say I was a woman!"

'You're a hypochondriac.' 'Yes, Doctor, but am I a healthy hypochondriac, or a sick hypochondriac?'

'You came through the delivery with flying colors, Mrs. Lewis.'

Stupid medicine - Shake Well Before Using.

'Try not to get into any more mischief '

'Mrs. Peterson. . . Sgt. O'Leary here, I'm afraid there's been an accident and your husband is in a comma.'

Hypochondriac at two computers. One reads 'Internet diagnosis', other says 'Second opinion'.

"Relax, un-controllable trembling is natural before major surgery."

'Your chart here says you've had some sort of allergic reaction to frogs' legs...can you be more specific?'

"Gina remembers where she left her pen... No wonder I can't write with this. It's a rectal thermometer."

"Amazing your knowledge of the virus, if anything, I should pay you."

'Darn it Mother! I'm not MISSING! I'm just working DOUBLES this month!'

'Strip DOWN to your waist, Mr Yomp, not UP!'

'...and then, when I asked if I could see her home, she showed me a photograph of her house.'

"I've searched every book, also the Internet, so in desperation...I've come to you, doctor!"

'I don't give a damn what the chart says! i did not have a hysterectomy!!!'

"What a screwup. I was only supposed to get a hip replacement."

Press reports suggest that caffeine could provide protection against a range of cancers.

'Advanced access' isn't REALLY about you booking an appointment in advance of having anything wrong with you!

'I sincerely thank you for your concern, but I'm only setting up a swing.'

Man holding container entitled 'Die supplement', with newspaper headline stating 'Vitamin & mineral health risks'.

"What makes you think you got your medication mixed up with your wife's?"

'You idiot, I said 'ark', not 'park'.'

'If you please, sir, Mother's took the lotion, and rubbed her leg with the mixture!'

'There is no need to be alarmed, Mr. Shaw - there's been a mix-up in the laundry.'

'When I asked if she was critical I didn't mean verbally!'