Lover Of Medical Misunderstandings Gifts

'He must be allergic to measles. He's come out in spots.'

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

If these are your medications, what happened to the beads I bought?

"Your test results are in...now the interpretations can begin."

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'

Hypochodriac worrying about his heart.

It was only Monday...but Dr Davies knew that it was going to be a long...long week...

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

"You have natural causes.''

"I'm Dr. Fenton. I'll be performing your microsurgery today."

'You came through the delivery with flying colors, Mrs. Lewis.'

Your numerous prescriptions really have improved my love life. I'm dating my pharmacist.

"We still don't have a diagnosis for your rash, so we're going to run some more money on it and see what happens."

With a hindsight exam result of 20/40, Harold hoped the new monocle would be less irritating than the last one.

'Actually I was rather looking forward to a BLANKET bath!'

'What's that noise?'

'I suspect your problem isn't stress related, right?'

I don't think you can call a Mulligan in the middle of surgery.

"How do I get Nurse Jenkins to stop saying 'I told you so'?"

'Oops - it's not a stethoscope - it's my ipod!'

Ah ha! Surgeons remove shopping trolley from patient.

"Relax, un-controllable trembling is natural before major surgery."

'Your chart here says you've had some sort of allergic reaction to frogs' legs...can you be more specific?'

Staff care...DOH style!

'Strip DOWN to your waist, Mr Yomp, not UP!'

"Gina remembers where she left her pen... No wonder I can't write with this. It's a rectal thermometer."

'I don't give a damn what the chart says! i did not have a hysterectomy!!!'

"What a screwup. I was only supposed to get a hip replacement."

"Do you have any fresh medical mumbo jumbo?"

'Advanced access' isn't REALLY about you booking an appointment in advance of having anything wrong with you!

"What makes you think you got your medication mixed up with your wife's?"

"Donald is an appendicitis survivor, too."

Man holding container entitled 'Die supplement', with newspaper headline stating 'Vitamin & mineral health risks'.

"Uh, oh...I was supposed to rub this on your back..."