Misunderstandings Pillows

"Will you pull your stupid pants up? This is a RETINAL scanner you idiot."

'He must be pleased with me. He's wagging his finger.'

'I sincerely thank you for your concern, but I'm only setting up a swing.'

'You idiot, I said 'ark', not 'park'.'

"Online I said I was 'blond and curvy', I didn't say I was a woman!"

we take plastic - "The sign doesn't mean we take plastic coins."

'Remember you told me to be friendly to your boss.'

Love at First Sight

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

"My guess it's guacamole."

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'

'Relax... When I said, your husband's swimming with the fishes. I merely meant that he's gone SCUBA diving with the boss.'

'Wellington!...Come take a look at this!...I've never seen anything like it!...Some sort of early sun worship etching perhaps!'

'What?... You wanted your horse SHOD!?'

"I thought you meant we had a security leak."

'Mrs. Peterson. . . Sgt. O'Leary here, I'm afraid there's been an accident and your husband is in a comma.'

'I feel awful. Coach was clutching his throat and turning blue, but I thought it was the 'bunt' sign.'

"That isn't what the doctor meant by 'push fluids'."

"Well I say we go on without him..."

"Look, told ya – it’s a Romney poster!"

'...and then, when I asked if I could see her home, she showed me a photograph of her house.'

'Darn it Mother! I'm not MISSING! I'm just working DOUBLES this month!'

"Till now I always thought of the gravy train as a good thing."

"My audio is okay, but my video is kind of sore"

'And here you can see one of the incredibly boring amusement park rides that were so beloved in the 20th century.'

"Are you mad at me or just chewing tobacco?"

'Did you or did you not tell me to collect the glasses?'

'I'm not sure if I'm a vegan or not but I do only eat animals that are herbivores.'

'You misunderstood. Our ad says that we can help you get out of debt.'

'I've got a hernia.' - 'It's not catching, is it?'

'When he said he collected models, I thought he meant little plastic planes ...'

"Apologetics does not mean saying sorry."

"Why can't they ring the bell for themselves...??"

"Can I help you find or lose something?"