Misunderstanding Clarifier Pillows

"Apologetics does not mean saying sorry."

Love at First Sight

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

'Remember you told me to be friendly to your boss.'

"My guess it's guacamole."

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

"We'll soon have you sorted out, Mr. Fenton."

"Your assets will be frozen? Oh, boy, is it going to snow?"

'You feel awkward? You're the one who said we ought to hunt bare.'

'Oh, now that's a nice vase...'

"I thought you meant we had a security leak."

'Wellington!...Come take a look at this!...I've never seen anything like it!...Some sort of early sun worship etching perhaps!'

"I thought the 'Internet of Things' was about fridges and toasters!"

"Rayna's been kidnapped! And its all my fault!"

"Online I said I was 'blond and curvy', I didn't say I was a woman!"

"We've found the problem. You folks don't own a car."

'The school counselor says I have well-developed motor skills. Will you bring me a car?'

"It's that time of year when guys randomly explode."

'No, I thought you were John Simpson.'

"What? The invitation said, wear your favorite mask."

'Mrs. Peterson. . . Sgt. O'Leary here, I'm afraid there's been an accident and your husband is in a comma.'

'Yes,I did order an extra barrel,but for my shotgun.'

"I told him to trim a couple of inches off the middle and he thought it was a fat remark."

'A simple bottle would have sufficed for your specimen, Mr Thomas.'

'I feel awful. Coach was clutching his throat and turning blue, but I thought it was the 'bunt' sign.'

'See! I told you my dad is a boxer!'

"Look, told ya – it’s a Romney poster!"

"That isn't what the doctor meant by 'push fluids'."

"Well I say we go on without him..."

'...and then, when I asked if I could see her home, she showed me a photograph of her house.'