Misunderstanding Clarifier Pillows

"Apologetics does not mean saying sorry."

Love at First Sight

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

'The school. My counselor told me to make the most of it...'

"My guess it's guacamole."

'Remember you told me to be friendly to your boss.'

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

"Kiss, you idiot. Not hiss."

"We'll soon have you sorted out, Mr. Fenton."

"Your assets will be frozen? Oh, boy, is it going to snow?"

'You feel awkward? You're the one who said we ought to hunt bare.'

'Oh, now that's a nice vase...'

"I thought the 'Internet of Things' was about fridges and toasters!"

She's disappointed. Doctor Frankenstein's online dating profile simply says that he's a "body-builder."

"I thought you meant we had a security leak."

'Wellington!...Come take a look at this!...I've never seen anything like it!...Some sort of early sun worship etching perhaps!'

"Online I said I was 'blond and curvy', I didn't say I was a woman!"

"Rayna's been kidnapped! And its all my fault!"

"We've found the problem. You folks don't own a car."

Why do we have pistols? I thought we were back-to-back to see who is taller!

'The school counselor says I have well-developed motor skills. Will you bring me a car?'

"It's that time of year when guys randomly explode."

"I told him to trim a couple of inches off the middle and he thought it was a fat remark."

'No, I thought you were John Simpson.'

'Mrs. Peterson. . . Sgt. O'Leary here, I'm afraid there's been an accident and your husband is in a comma.'

'Yes,I did order an extra barrel,but for my shotgun.'

"What? The invitation said, wear your favorite mask."

'A simple bottle would have sufficed for your specimen, Mr Thomas.'

'I feel awful. Coach was clutching his throat and turning blue, but I thought it was the 'bunt' sign.'

'See! I told you my dad is a boxer!'

"Look, told ya – it’s a Romney poster!"

Laurel, you've got to find a hobby over the summer. You're my hubby. I said hobby. That's what I said. You said hubby. Really. Are you asking what I think you're asking? What's happening? This is so sudden.

"Well I say we go on without him..."

"That isn't what the doctor meant by 'push fluids'."

"We're not that kind of SWAT team, ma'am."