Misconceptions Pillows

'I'm not sure if I'm a vegan or not but I do only eat animals that are herbivores.'

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

'Yeah, I'm sorry to break it to you bud, that eating grass thing is a myth!'

"I liked the fee-fi-fo-fum part, but I found the rest of his speech racist and repellent."

Myths and legends...

Sir gawain had been duped....it was a damson in distress

"He never passes by without a mischievous smile."

"My guess it's guacamole."

'Remember you told me to be friendly to your boss.'

"Wifey! Wifey! I've found the fountain of youth!"

'A vampire bat! No kidding!'

"That's ridiculous. A red nose wouldn't work as a GPS system."

"Do you wanna hear something really weird?"

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

Sighting of the elusive Bigpaw

"If you need anything in the building, just call the super. This is the only known photo of him."

"In science class, we learned that a solar eclipse is not due to a rolling blackout."

'Relax... When I said, your husband's swimming with the fishes. I merely meant that he's gone SCUBA diving with the boss.'

"Do I still believe in Santa Claus? I don't even believe in Congress."

'What?... You wanted your horse SHOD!?'

'No, fear isn't one of the basic taste sensations.'

"Pot of gold?! Nobody uses cash these days! Do you fancy a couple of gift cards?"

The other day during the zombie apocalypse

'Wellington!...Come take a look at this!...I've never seen anything like it!...Some sort of early sun worship etching perhaps!'

'It's King Midas... Quick, take the signs down!'

"Online I said I was 'blond and curvy', I didn't say I was a woman!"

"How does the stork figure into this?"

"Oh my God! Tinyfoot does exist!"

'Grandpa, tell us again about you and Great-Grandpa William.'