Art Of Misunderstanding Pillows

"Well I say we go on without him..."

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

'The school. My counselor told me to make the most of it...'

'I said 'barium,' not 'bury him'!'

"My guess it's guacamole."

'Remember you told me to be friendly to your boss.'

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'

"When you promised me 'a set of wheels', I assumed a company car."

"So tell me, Wallace. Has someone gobbled up my Viagra again?" "No. Wait. I thought they were delicious candy mints!"

'I meant bring your fishing tackle.'

'Relax... When I said, your husband's swimming with the fishes. I merely meant that he's gone SCUBA diving with the boss.'

'Wellington!...Come take a look at this!...I've never seen anything like it!...Some sort of early sun worship etching perhaps!'

'What?... You wanted your horse SHOD!?'

"I thought you meant we had a security leak."

"Excuse me, but it's GREG, Greg Chalmers."

"Online I said I was 'blond and curvy', I didn't say I was a woman!"

"When you said you were taking me south on vacation I assumed you meant to the tropics."

Shoot...not literally, of course.

"Just wanted to make sure you said no mayo that way I'll know to give you extra."

'Chapman, you misunderstood what I said about the Clark account. I said mull it over.'

'Mrs. Peterson. . . Sgt. O'Leary here, I'm afraid there's been an accident and your husband is in a comma.'

The Embarrassment of Van Gogh

'I feel awful. Coach was clutching his throat and turning blue, but I thought it was the 'bunt' sign.'

'I did not call you a 'bar fly'! I said; 'I'll be back, briefly'.'

"Perhaps I should clarify. When I said to drink plenty of fluids ..."

"That isn't what the doctor meant by 'push fluids'."

'...and then, when I asked if I could see her home, she showed me a photograph of her house.'

'Darn it Mother! I'm not MISSING! I'm just working DOUBLES this month!'

"You said you wanted an Easter-related present."

"Look, told ya – it’s a Romney poster!"

"I'm not sure you see my point of view..." "From down here I'd say that's probably true!"

'I said Mascarpone not Mask A Pony!'

"Size 16? Sorry, I thought you said 61."

"The sign said 'Home-Style Cooking.'"

'I sincerely thank you for your concern, but I'm only setting up a swing.'