Comedic Musings Gifts

Puppet therapy

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

'Just sitting around letting advertisers brainwash me. What about you?'

"And last week I nearly crashed while reading on the freeway..."

'Ick! -- I'd never vote for anybody with hair like THAT!'

"It's not just me, Dad. Amazon.com has never made a cent, either."

Boris Johnson lies his way out of trouble

"The first week back is always the hardest"

'It wasn't the strength of your argument. It was your breath.'

'I'm all talked out. Let's look into some gene therapy.'

'I hope we don't start getting competition from redundant bankers homes.'

Fisherman Funneral

"Good Dad, Bad Dad"

For a few dollars more, we can get a suite. Spaghetti Westin.

"That's the plus of our lifestyle: The trophy hunters just look at us, sigh and move on..."

"I understand she's marrying him for his condominium in Fort Lauderdale."

'You misunderstand, squire. All I do is guarantee that my cars are USED!'

Government a la Carte

"You can't beat Channel 5's sport coverage."

'Elections are easier to understand if you think of them as performance art.'

Unhappy Cows from neighboring states visit California.

"Connect the dots"

"We haven't been married long enough for you to reprimand my dog."

"Yes, dear, we're caught in a cycle...but you can hardly call it a vicious cycle."

MPs opt for longer surgery opening hours: Gp's have to be available when the public needs them... We won't be able to look at it until after the six week Christmas break!

'I didn't know I had to bring a rifle. I'm sort of new at this. Last time I went hunting it was for Easter eggs.'

"I could've sworn we only brought two fruit-flies!"

'I told you we should have protested against that windfarm'

'Listen up, folks! The President is feeling a lot of pain today, so please put a little extra into your groveling!'

"Why would leaders agree to be honored with a mattress sale?"

It's not the Winning. It's the Taking Part that Counts. Vote Lib Dem.

'And, if elected, I promise to reach across the aisle, if you know what I mean...'

"Of course, at present Mademoiselle's neck is too long, but our Mr. Francis is going to change all that."

"If marriage is so great how come you never hear about simulated marriage?"

"Of course it's a bad report. I have your genes to contend with!"