Collider Comedian Gifts

'Not too serious just a couple of particles collided.'

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

Very drunk professional cyclist

"Three more classes and I get my belt."

Brown only photocopier sales.

When protons collide...

"And when my head hits the dashboard, I want you to pass me a compensation claim form."

"Road construction used to bother me. But compared to all the craziness going on in the world, I'll take this any day."

"Hey! Buddy! This is an interdimensional 4/3π way stop!"

Eat your salad. Blurg! Now! Quick! Put it into my bag! Finito. Mother! You've started up your compost pile, haven't you? You make it sound so rotten!

Beep' 'beep' 'beep' 'beep'' - 'Slam!' - 'Great... another long week of pain and humiliation ahead...' - ''Click'' - 'God, Ilove my job.' - '' -

"Not to quibble, Helen, but if you look up 'Pathetic Loser' in the dictionary I don't believe anyone's picture is there."

Things Women Never Say: 'Sorry I'm late boss. I was talking to my husband and he wouldn't stop listening.'

'My wife bought me this helmet when I told her I was buying a bike. She's a little over protective.'

Riding instructor waits to fish a child out of jumping obstacle.

Insomnia

Metrocard error messages

La Tour 2007.

'How'd the negotiations go? Take a wild guess.'

65. Whenever I'm in the mood to watch the rest of the world go by, I simply keep to the legal speed limit.

Man who has crashed his safety bicycle

'Do you remember what make of car it was, sir? -- We'll have to order parts.'

Live To Crash, Crash To Live.

'I swear this self driving car is falsifying it's records to avoid an insurance rate hike."

'You don't have to shout fore when you putt.'

Being vertically challenged, I never realized my dream of becoming a pro basketball player. But on a trip to work, it was just like I was a hoops star! I spilled some coffee when walking. I dribble whenever my feet are in motion. I took a selfie when I stopped at the ATM - it was a nice bank shot. Then as I neared the office, I came down the lane - and made an impressive display of driving and dunking. I should be getting a big shoe sponsorship contract any day now!

Learner Riders

Man crashes his car before leaving the driveway because he forgot his glasses.

'Who? Boson? Higgs Boson? Hey, where the hell have you been hiding?'

Wheelies Gang.

'Knee him in the groin - it always works.'

'Very funny!'

Opera house to support

'It's his ankle - get some ice!!'

'Look dad! - Mercedes bends!'