College Story Enthusiast Gifts

Son, when I went to school, I trudged for years knee-deep in student loans!

'Hmph. College kids.'

Go team!

Santa does a keg stand.

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

'Mutation and natural selection? - That sounds awfully STRESSFUL!'

"I wish my Dad would get off my back! It's only been nine years and he wants to know if I've picked a major yet!"

"No, I'm not the first in my family to attend college. But I am the first at an Ivy."

Scenes we'd most like to see...

Room-mate Homicides Waiting to Happen. . .

Monkey Business College

The farm-raised catfish goes to college

"I'd like to propose a bill to the effect that we can remain freshmen indefinitely."

'It was your typical student flat: dirty dishes, broken furniture, grubby carpet and cracks in the walls'

"In conclusion, I hope you all make plenty of money to donate to your alma mater."

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."

"Student unicorn"

Man sees college fraternity houses 'Kappa Phi', 'Aeta Epsalon' and then 'Beta Carotene', says, 'They major in nutrition.'

The life of a professor is great- it's either publish or PARIS!'

'My son is away at college, majoring in communications. He never calls and he never writes.'

'I started a whole new business, Mom! Kids are paying me to complete their college applications.'

"Let me guess, you joined Alpha Delta Dogma"

"Back when we were in college, and occasionally sleeping together, I never thought I'd be here, toasting you at your wedding to a woman."

"Here's my final exam. My lawyer said I didn't have to answer any of these questions."

"I am dyslexic, parked in a faculty space and wore my roommate's t-shirt."

'Interesting specialist subjects.'

"How's your spring break going, Jerry?"

'Nobody likes a bartender who went to college.'

'This note from your teacher says you're doing great for a six year old. Doesn't she know you're fifteen?'

'I recommend you major in something other than meat.'

Canine Frat Parties

"I miss my mom's home-cooked methamphetamine."

"I don't care whay they do at college, you'll scrub them off at once"

"Are you nuts? If we say we've found the sun is a White Hole we'll lose our funding!"