College Storyteller Gifts

"Back when we were in college, and occasionally sleeping together, I never thought I'd be here, toasting you at your wedding to a woman."

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."

'The bloke in the video shop's invited me to a gig! He's friends with someone in the band! You never know, we might get on really well, and it might develop into a fully blown...something to talk about at college.'

"Well, when I went to college we didn't have student loans..."

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

College. Did you pick a major yet? I'm doing a double major in art and logic --- I want to draw my own conclusions!

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

'I didn't do my homework because I forgot my user name and password.'

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

"You know who's tougher than all your little superheroes? The fossil fuel industry."

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

'Look dear, he's writing political speeches.'

"I don't see a destination called 'Veganville' sir."

'You're doing a play in kindergarten?'

'A dog ate my homework.'

'I'll give your note to my parents but our family policy is to never negotiate with terrorists.'

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

"I thought your show-and-tell was really brave."

Childrens Books. This pop-up book would make a great 3-D movie!

'Wait a minute! What if this isn't just a puddle?! What if it's a huge, furious hibernating snowman?'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

'For God's sake give me some angst, how will I ever write a misery memoir?'

'How about having at least one character who's alive and wearing clothes?'

'It was a dark and stormy night. Also, there was a Catch-22.'

Man writing at laptop says: 'It's a UK road movie ??" to give it more scale, I'm making the characters three inches tall.'

"I can't tell you how it ended. That would ruin the sequel."

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

"A major crime publisher is interested in publishing your homework!"

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

"A homeless person ate my homework."

"Coming soon...what I did over summer vacation...the podcast!"

"Simon, I'm not really interested in your juvenilia."

"It's a coming-of-middle-age story."