Scholarly Storyteller Gifts

The bane of every college applicant: the admissions essay.

Shepherd and eurydice

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

"Thor! I am Thor! Ha. Just kidding. I'm Tom the Seagull."

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

Library sections; Fiction, non-fiction and do-it-yourself.

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

"When I grow up, I'm writing the Great American App."

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

'That's not really what I meant by 'let your hair down', Rapunzel.'

Facts of life - The birds and the dogs.

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"Is it that bad?"

Dog chews 'The Cat Book'.

Edgar Allen Poe

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

"I'm not having it if it's been genetically modified."

'Are you sure I should read my book report to the class? --�It's PG-13.'

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

'Cow in love'

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

Bank Loan Dept. Personal Business. Uh-oh, some loans have gone bad! A tennis pro defaulted and a novelist is in Chapter 7. The bed linens company folded and the scuba school went under! Are any of our loans still good? Yeah, the music streaming service is totally sound! And ironically, the lighting company is in the black!

Sure, he likes it here - he's a cartoonist.

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

Honoré de Balzac