Fictional Storyteller Gifts

An excerpt from the best-selling book '101 fun things to do with cracker meal.'

Shepherd and eurydice

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

"Thor! I am Thor! Ha. Just kidding. I'm Tom the Seagull."

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

Library sections; Fiction, non-fiction and do-it-yourself.

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

"When I grow up, I'm writing the Great American App."

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

'That's not really what I meant by 'let your hair down', Rapunzel.'

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

Facts of life - The birds and the dogs.

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

Dog chews 'The Cat Book'.

Edgar Allen Poe

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

"I'm not having it if it's been genetically modified."

'Are you sure I should read my book report to the class? --�It's PG-13.'

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

'Cow in love'

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

Bank Loan Dept. Personal Business. Uh-oh, some loans have gone bad! A tennis pro defaulted and a novelist is in Chapter 7. The bed linens company folded and the scuba school went under! Are any of our loans still good? Yeah, the music streaming service is totally sound! And ironically, the lighting company is in the black!

Sure, he likes it here - he's a cartoonist.

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

Honoré de Balzac