College Memories Gifts

"I went to my college class reunion. Everyone else is unemployed."

What've you been up to since college, Lemont? Oh, I became a journalist … had a kid, blah blah … but I wanna hear about you, Rudy. Grigori Rasputin. How've you been all these years? How's your Uncle Mort? Are you a Russian spy? Boop boop boop. How'd that stomach-tumble-translator startup you founded in the nineties go? Wait ... what did you say you became? What do they have on President Trump? How's your cat? Boop.

I'm not interested in buying new technology. What's wrong with me? Don't worry. I went through a brief period in college where I wasn't attracted to women. I didn't want to date or even have flings. It was a dark, horrible abyss that felt like it would never, ever end! How is this helping? Red Maxim repeatedly until it passes.

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

Go team!

'You must have been wearing your beer googles.'

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

'I'm on the short degree course... hell of a lot to pack into one year!'

"Now, my brave little soldier, do you have everything...an apple for your teacher, your satchel, pencils and books - your existential misery??"

Cambridge dons eat a banquet outside to prove they only get one chicken each.

Man, Lemont … how long's it been? Twenty years? Just about. You still working at Pigville Pork Burgers? Nah … I got a job as the Candorville Chronicles White House correspondent. Then I went on to found Candorville.com, the internet's seventh largest source for news and opinion. Oh. That's cool. That's cool. How do you not know this? We're Facebook friends. I post links to my articles every day. We were roommates all through college, and you don't even read my updates? Facebook's for reading yo

College game crowd: 'WE WON',,,'and that somehow makes you superior'

Bro of Frankenstein

"Okay, there's one thing I like about school starting. I have a girlfriend this year."

"...and smoking is forbidden behind the scooter shed"

"I love college."

Monkey Business College

'I missed my roommate so I went out and got this spray called, 'Never Showers,' and now it's like she never left.'

Naughty schoolboys fight behind teacher's back in old fashioned school.

'We have reason to believe you have been binge drinking and urinating in the area'

Community College. History's a lot more fun if you think of it as gossip.

"... And since then, I've been quietly stalking you."

Teacher to other about hot dog vendor: 'Since when have we allowed that dude in the building?'

'Gee, maybe there was something wrong with this college.'

Balding eagle looking back through his yearbook.

"I can never remember whether children are to be seen and not heard or the other way around."

"I didn't think you'd make it through biology."

Boys at Leisure

Yale,Yale,Yale,Yale,Kale

Crappy hour.

"How's your spring break going, Jerry?"

'I hate to quit school, Mrs. Wiggins, but I got a better offer.'

'I'm always pleased to meet my daughters college friends Alan. I hear you're studying alternative medicine? Reiki or acupuncture?'

"This is a weird frat."

'Interesting specialist subjects.'