College Reminiscers Gifts

I'm not interested in buying new technology. What's wrong with me? Don't worry. I went through a brief period in college where I wasn't attracted to women. I didn't want to date or even have flings. It was a dark, horrible abyss that felt like it would never, ever end! How is this helping? Red Maxim repeatedly until it passes.

Go team!

What've you been up to since college, Lemont? Oh, I became a journalist … had a kid, blah blah … but I wanna hear about you, Rudy. Grigori Rasputin. How've you been all these years? How's your Uncle Mort? Are you a Russian spy? Boop boop boop. How'd that stomach-tumble-translator startup you founded in the nineties go? Wait ... what did you say you became? What do they have on President Trump? How's your cat? Boop.

'Gee, maybe there was something wrong with this college.'

"... And since then, I've been quietly stalking you."

'The little punks were waving a red flag at me! In my youth, I would have given them a run for their money!'

"This is a weird frat."

"Enjoy your youth. Soon you'll be an old cynic like me with nothing worth barking at."

Ned thinks back to his youth.

"How's your spring break going, Jerry?"

"I went to my college class reunion. Everyone else is unemployed."

Graduation.

"I need time off to go back to college and party. Fraternity leave"

'You'll never forget your college experience, though grades indicate you've tried.'

'What was I like 20 years ago? I was younger, thinner, better looking, sexier. . . and poorer.'

"School is a lot like life. It's hours and hours of boredom...interrupted by the occasional moment of panic."

'Don't let her charm you. When we were in the lunch room, I saw her eating veggies.'

Honest Sir, I am doing my work. See, I've drawn a blank.

"I played polo in college."

"Yes, I still wear my Harvard ring. It helps when I slug someone."

'No, that's my photo above the caption: 'Student most likely to succeed'.'

'I'm afraid all those goldfish you swallowed back in college have finally caught up with you.'

Bank. I dreamed last night that I was back in high school, and I forgot my locker combination.

Brett Beer: It's the best beer to ever make me ralph. And I've ralphed a lot.

"I see you went to college on a wrestling scholarship."

"I tried some in college, but I never inhaled."

"Electricity isn't as good as it used to be"

'Look Darling, it's Crazy Eddie from University. He hasn't changed a bit.'

"It was a party school."

'I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth. It was a shovel.'