University Reminiscer Gifts

'Look Darling, it's Crazy Eddie from University. He hasn't changed a bit.'

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

'I'm old enough to remember when smiley faces were right side up.'

'It's a shame you didn't get to use all those little blue pills before Ted died.'

"The last time I was in Europe was 4 boyfriends ago..."

"When we were dating it was all wine, soft lights, and candy. So nothing's changed really."

'That one was taken on our wedding day, when he was young, handsome and in love. That other one was taken when he was older, more mature and a pain in the neck.'

I got my bad back from an old football injury.

Littletown High School. And that's where Bubba Parker stomped me

"I thought you might like to hear how my love-making sounded when I was a younger man."

"It's amazing. Nobody's changed."

'You've never forgotten that Elsie Turner, have you George!'

"Of course I've had some wonderful times since we've been married. Mostly, while you were at work."

"Honey! Remember when we first met and you used to nibble my ear?"

"Remember the great cranberry scare of '59? And the cellular phone hysteria of '93? Ralph Nader's killer hot dog with the nitrates? Our evacuation at Love Canal? Remember the toxic-teeth scare, with the amalgam fillings leeching mercury into our gullets?..."

"We never have any activities that make for cute anecdotes anymore."

"I remember it well, me in wig and gown, gazing down at you, a picture of innocence, standing in the dock."

Nation of Has-Beens (and Never-Will-Bes)

My first Boyfriend.

'We've been through thick and thin. Tell me about the thin again.'

"If I remember correctly, you were the only one the dating agency had left over."

"Forty years ago on this very seat I proposed to you. Made up your mind yet?"

'The little punks were waving a red flag at me! In my youth, I would have given them a run for their money!'

"God, I was magnificent!"

"Enjoy your youth. Soon you'll be an old cynic like me with nothing worth barking at."

Ned thinks back to his youth.

'This is the same table we had when I proposed years ago. See? It still has my fingernail marks.'

'Check it out, honey...some of my wedding clothes still fit!'

"Forty years ago on this very seat I proposed to you. Made up your mind yet?"

"This is as romantic as when we were young and newly married, don't you think?"

"No, I don't remember our wedding vows. Who remembers an argument 20 years ago?"

Another Programme Reminding You How Much Better Music Used To Be.

"Could you run those numbers by me again? I was thinking of an old love."

"Listen - he's playing our tune."

"Nana, it's fine if those are your final words, but it's also OK if you want to take another stab at them."