College Kid Chronicles Gifts

'I've been offered a week under the viaduct and three nights in a pizza hut doorway, after which I get my own cardboard box.'

The Art Student.

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

'Hmph. College kids.'

Wally Begins research for his thesis entitled "who's a good dog?"

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

College kid rakes up his clothes on the floor in messy dorm room

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

'I'm supposed to take a geography test and I can't find the right room!'

Kardiff.

I'm getting ready to apply for college. Do you have a list of party schools?

"Academic freedom doesn't mean you're free not to study."

"Maybe he's so sad that he's leaving us to go to college that he actually looks happy. Please don't ruin it for me with reality."

Santa does a keg stand.

'The Great Depression? Didn't they have Prozac then?'

"Don't tell me, first time away from home, right?"

'Junior's writing has improved. His letters from college pleading for more money, are froceful and flawlessly written.'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

"Graduation day at kite flying school."

'You will now be presented with your degrees. That is, of course, after you jump through another one of our little hoops.'

"I'm taking 'moving back in with the parents' studies."

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

'I'm on the short degree course... hell of a lot to pack into one year!'

"Be afraid to try new things!"

Day one, post grad

It's a letter from Tim. He claims his grades are improving and he might even make the DEEN's list.

'Relax, dad, I haven't been in a classroom for months because all my college classes are online!'

Too big to fail