College Life Commentator Gifts

"I miss my mom's home-cooked methamphetamine."

Scenes we'd most like to see...

'It's hopeless, I can't find one university that offers a degree course in cut 'n' paste or plagiarism.'

The Art Student.

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

'Hmph. College kids.'

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

College. Did you pick a major yet? I'm doing a double major in art and logic --- I want to draw my own conclusions!

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

College kid rakes up his clothes on the floor in messy dorm room

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

'I'm supposed to take a geography test and I can't find the right room!'

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

Kardiff.

'You must have been wearing your beer googles.'

I'm getting ready to apply for college. Do you have a list of party schools?

"Maybe he's so sad that he's leaving us to go to college that he actually looks happy. Please don't ruin it for me with reality."

"Academic freedom doesn't mean you're free not to study."

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

Santa does a keg stand.

"Don't tell me, first time away from home, right?"

'Junior's writing has improved. His letters from college pleading for more money, are froceful and flawlessly written.'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

"Graduation day at kite flying school."

Big Rock University. Guidance Counselor. I'd like to switch my major from hunting to gathering!

"No, the Geo Metros, Hyundais, Rabbits, and Kias belong to faculty - the Alfa Romeos, BMWs, and Volvos belong to students."

'You will now be presented with your degrees. That is, of course, after you jump through another one of our little hoops.'

'Relax, dad, I haven't been in a classroom for months because all my college classes are online!'

It's a letter from Tim. He claims his grades are improving and he might even make the DEEN's list.

What Does God Know?

Day one, post grad

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."