College Commentator Gifts

"Graduates, faculty, parents, creditors..."

True Debate Fun

'Today I have dumbed-down philosophy, followed by dumbed-down chemistry and dumbed-down English lit.'

'In my day we were just morally bankrupt.'

The cost of education

"The only reason I consider today's universities 'higher education' is the legalization of marijuana."

'Hmph. College kids.'

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

"No, the Geo Metros, Hyundais, Rabbits, and Kias belong to faculty - the Alfa Romeos, BMWs, and Volvos belong to students."

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

Occupant.

"No, I'm not the first in my family to attend college. But I am the first at an Ivy."

Scenes we'd most like to see...

"If what you don't know can't hurt you, I'm safe from math, English, history, and science."

"I think our daughter should change her major. She can now ask for money in 3 different languages!"

"Under our new definition of 'what is a sale?', he hasn't made any this year."

"I'm holding George back this year because he's failed to forge a personal style."

"First period music always leaves me with a tune stuck in my head for the rest of the day."

"If you have to ask, you can't afford it."

True Debate Fun

Room-mate Homicides Waiting to Happen. . .

'Illegal immigrants, if you ask me.'

"In conclusion, I hope you all make plenty of money to donate to your alma mater."

Cutting Room Floor

"Your order is confirmed and your credit card has been charged. You have purchased one small liberal-arts college in New England. Thank you for your order."

Man sees college fraternity houses 'Kappa Phi', 'Aeta Epsalon' and then 'Beta Carotene', says, 'They major in nutrition.'

'They're not the exam results, headmaster. They're the truancy figures.'

"I am dyslexic, parked in a faculty space and wore my roommate's t-shirt."

Campus police are dorm troopers.

'I recommend you major in something other than meat.'

"There was a time when only the rich went to university... now even they can't afford it."

'Nobody likes a bartender who went to college.'

'No Billy! I am not ready to see you yet!'