Campus Commentator Gifts

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

'We demand fake history.'

'It's basically the young conservatives.'

Penn State Honor 101

"There was a time when only the rich went to university... now even they can't afford it."

"No, the Geo Metros, Hyundais, Rabbits, and Kias belong to faculty - the Alfa Romeos, BMWs, and Volvos belong to students."

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

'I'm on the short degree course... hell of a lot to pack into one year!'

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

Don't you hate...

Scientists continue their research on the Hippocampus.

Scenes we'd most like to see...

College of Liberal (not in the political snese) arts.

Pundits

"Mom, Dad, college changed me."

Popular college book: How to say 'Send money' in 101 languages.

True Debate Fun

'I suspected hackers when it accepted all the student scholarship applications.'

"Graduates, faculty, parents, creditors..."

'So, in college what did you major in' - 'Business poetry.'

"Don’t you just love professor Dahl’s lectures on Tibetan rawhide?"

Uni. Snowflake Library

Little known fact: I spent a semester at Reed College in Portland. "Little known facts" are supposed to be momentous. Well, the little known fact is, while I was there, I asked a lady out

'And now, an NBS News Special Investigative Report: Why doesn't President Obama get the respect and support he deserves?'

That's Roderick Sloan, the Alvin Meriwether professor of business administration, and with him is Alvin Meriwether, the Roderick Sloan professor of economics.

Undergraduate and don

'Nots so hot on my SATS, but I aced my STDS.'

"I have to read this disclaimer: Any opinions expressed in this course belong to the professor and do not necessarily mean the university is left-wing."

'This is Dr Grumbacher, Professor Emeritus of Comparative Philology. Perhaps he could tell you the difference between an adverb and an adjective.'