Campus Chatter Gifts

'This is Dr Grumbacher, Professor Emeritus of Comparative Philology. Perhaps he could tell you the difference between an adverb and an adjective.'

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

"I'm overpaid and underworked, but you don't see me complaining!"

"Bad morning. I was running late and skipped my coffee, diet soda, energy drink and Ritalin."

'One more for me an Tiffany, and one more for you and the road.'

"I hear you may do a baby."

"No, the Geo Metros, Hyundais, Rabbits, and Kias belong to faculty - the Alfa Romeos, BMWs, and Volvos belong to students."

Social Notworking

Turn on chat. Delete conversation.

"You know that on-line romance you've been carryin' on? Well this here's Samantha!"

"Your difficulty communicating how you really feel, is because of your inherent inability to display complex emotion."

"Is it any good?"

A Stray Curmudgeon in a Field of Perennial Optimists.

'We know it makes you happy, but your father and I think you're spending too much time on the computer.'

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

'How did you cope before 24-hour rolling gossip?'

'I'm having trouble with drinking. . . I'm getting Arthritis in my elbow.'

"It's lunchtime! Have you finished saying 'Good Morning' on your WhatsApp Groups?"

Cutting Room Floor

"He's surprisingly good at small talk."

Gossipmongers stocking up at the rumor mill

'If we could just get rid of a few of these lecturers and students, we'd have a great university on our hands.'

"There was a time when only the rich went to university... now even they can't afford it."

'The bar's famous for its high spirits.'

MAN OF THE YEAR, 'You must come here a lot.'

'No, I don't like them, their shirts make me look fat.'

"It's amazing how much Junior has changed after only a few weeks away at college..."

'I really don't miss the water cooler.'

'My name is Kerry and I'm an email-aholic...'

The assistant to the chair begins another busy day.

"After so many years of marriage what are you getting for your anniversary?"

"Wine improves with age."

"I put an olive in my beer and turn it into a health drink."

'I'm going to Internets Anonymous...we meet in a Yahoo chatroom!'

Student's t-shirts read: 'No means no.' 'No means to deny, refuse or disagree.'