Campus Life Commentators Gifts

Campus police are dorm troopers.

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

"I wish my Dad would get off my back! It's only been nine years and he wants to know if I've picked a major yet!"

'Thirty years in academia and all I got was this chair.'

Scenes we'd most like to see...

'In the future, everyone will have fifteen minutes of tenure.'

"If what you don't know can't hurt you, I'm safe from math, English, history, and science."

"I'm holding George back this year because he's failed to forge a personal style."

"First period music always leaves me with a tune stuck in my head for the rest of the day."

"Graduates, faculty, parents, creditors..."

'Dude, you gotta lay off the Mac n' Cheese!'

Taser incident.

'Today I have dumbed-down philosophy, followed by dumbed-down chemistry and dumbed-down English lit.'

"These days, professor it's "T.V. punditry or perish.""

Philosophy Department: You are Here...But why?

Trouble at med school - "Gosh, it's already my third day and I'm still sober."

"So how's that math grade looking? What's the team GPA this year?"

"There was a time when only the rich went to university... now even they can't afford it."

"The good news is that the Remedial Learning Program is more popular than ever, which is also the bad news."

"That's the famous Josh—a high-impact body harboring a very low-impact mind."

Canine Frat Parties

The cost of education

'No Billy! I am not ready to see you yet!'

"I miss my mom's home-cooked methamphetamine."