School Admissions Commentator Gifts

'This is Mr Henshaw, who's in charge of our admissions system.'

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

"No, the Geo Metros, Hyundais, Rabbits, and Kias belong to faculty - the Alfa Romeos, BMWs, and Volvos belong to students."

"Where am I going to college? I thought this was college."

'It's my application to Harvard...'

Scenes we'd most like to see...

You got into the college of my choice, and I got into the college of your choice. Now if we could just work something out...

"If what you don't know can't hurt you, I'm safe from math, English, history, and science."

"First period music always leaves me with a tune stuck in my head for the rest of the day."

"I'm holding George back this year because he's failed to forge a personal style."

True Debate Fun

"Graduates, faculty, parents, creditors..."

"Being from another planet is worth thirty points towards your child's admission to Harvard."

Boho Bribes

'My kid is going to Harvard, and Jim's son to Stanford- which college accepted yoyr kid, Fred? ( pix of clown on desk)

'Today I have dumbed-down philosophy, followed by dumbed-down chemistry and dumbed-down English lit.'

"Your order is confirmed and your credit card has been charged. You have purchased one small liberal-arts college in New England. Thank you for your order."

'They're not the exam results, headmaster. They're the truancy figures.'

'They're praying the school doesn't find out that they've been pretending to be religious.'

'Her special Talent is sulking.'

"Sometimes I wish I went to a magnet school."

"I'm sorry, but I'm afraid your son just isn't very smart."

"It's all set. We both have enough credits to go to college."

The cost of education

"There was a time when only the rich went to university... now even they can't afford it."

Violence in schools has increased

"I'm sorry, but Woolfsey Academy expects a basic level of preparation from its candidates. Mistaking vermilion for scarlet? I don't think so.".

'No Billy! I am not ready to see you yet!'

"I miss my mom's home-cooked methamphetamine."

'Here's my report Dad. I got an A, an S, a B and an O.'

"We help the student qualify for one of the major tutoring centers."

'The principal says her door is always open, until it slams shut when you're in there!'

'Yes, dad, I mis-spoke my math grade, covered-up my reprimand from the dean, and cheated on an English quiz, but I'm getting an A in political science.'

"She's so smart...on the highway of life, she's in the E-Z Pass lane."

The seniors are crazed about college. Admissions. I plan to be totally chill. 1000 colleges. You're not worried about the pre-SATs this Saturday? Of course not. West Fester High. I forgot all about them!!!