Teen Chronicles Gifts

Fishbowl Rebellion

'Hey Einstein, how about converting some of your mass into energy and getting this place cleaned up?'

"Three more years of high school."

The Brothers Grime

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

PROBLEM AREAS

Fishbowl rebellion.

"My parents said that until I find a job and move out they will not recognize me as a sentient being."

Social Networking.

"Shouldn't you use a plate?"

"I'll be glad when this is over and Sarah can be herself again."

"A major crime publisher is interested in publishing your homework!"

Teenage Angst.

'I'm going to bed...whatever...'

"And this is my oldest son I was telling you about. The one that eats like a horse."

This year I'm a different person. I'm starting school as the new, cooler me. Way to go, Twig! Diner. Everyone will notice the change. It feels kind of risky. I've never worn my hair down!

Pubertry

"That was a great kiss, Joey...but can I have my gum back please?"

"I'm you, from the future, here to deliver a witty comeback line."

"Okay, there's one thing I like about school starting. I have a girlfriend this year."

"Stop smirking, it's just an expression! You know perfectly well what I mean when I say I'm putting my foot down and you can't go out tonight!"

"We're out of empanadas!"

"Hello, Sally? I've decided not to go to the concert. . . my father said I'd have to use my own money!"

"Some women to see you, Anne."

Hi! You want to, like, hang out? Sure. When are you free? Twig! Time to pack. We're leaving!! In about a year? It's on my iCal.

Hey, Twig! Ryan Beardsley wants your cell phone number! The divine wonder of West Fester High? Finally! My life changes for the better. He needs activities for his college apps and wants to come to our shortest eco-club cleanup. Change you can believe in. West Fester High School.

Have you ever sued anyone for slander or libel, Randy? Indeed I have, little buddy. It was 1979. Francis Melba stood up in the middle of the cafeteria and accused me - in front of all the other kids - of being "nothing special." So I stood atop my table, ripped my shirt in two, slowly smoothed out my mustache, and then proceeded to flex my pecs, one at a time. HOJ. The sunlight streaming in through the windows scattered off my bouncing pecs like a disco ball. That's when Melba knew he was toast.

"I told you it was too soon to give him The Talk."

'He said he can't put his love for me into words because it exceeds the 140 characters allowed in a tweet.'

'You'r either having trouble hearing, or there's a boy you want to be closer to.'

"Sure I'm Alfred the Great now, but in high school I couldn't get a date."

Guess what Daddy, Gerald plays hockey!

Carole Jean's First "Big Girl" Heels

"You said you'd be home at half a candle."

'Be back by 5 AM, and NO texting while echolocating!'