Teen Storyteller Gifts

"A major crime publisher is interested in publishing your homework!"

Nyah! Everyone has a boyfriend except Twig! Teddy! Stop! Who cares? I don't need a boy to validate my self-worth. Very mature! I'm proud of you.

'I didn't do my homework because I forgot my user name and password.'

'Look dear, he's writing political speeches.'

"You know who's tougher than all your little superheroes? The fossil fuel industry."

'It's a novel based on a movie adapted from a magazine article that was inspired by a video game.'

"I don't see a destination called 'Veganville' sir."

'I'll give your note to my parents but our family policy is to never negotiate with terrorists.'

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

'A dog ate my homework.'

"Where's Waldo? Where's Waldo? Peek-a-boo! There he is!"

'Wait a minute! What if this isn't just a puddle?! What if it's a huge, furious hibernating snowman?'

'Come on Jill, they say the water's well good.'

Childrens Books. This pop-up book would make a great 3-D movie!

"I thought your show-and-tell was really brave."

'For God's sake give me some angst, how will I ever write a misery memoir?'

'How about having at least one character who's alive and wearing clothes?'

'It was a dark and stormy night. Also, there was a Catch-22.'

Man writing at laptop says: 'It's a UK road movie ??" to give it more scale, I'm making the characters three inches tall.'

"This is crazy! We've been here only 10 minutes, we've spent all our money, and we've got nothing to show for it!"

"Sure I used drugs when I was your age, but they were all prescribed for acne."

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

"Coming soon...what I did over summer vacation...the podcast!"

"This tire raced in the Indy 500."

"Start with a Spanish doubloon. Those are always good."

"A homeless person ate my homework."

Mother Goose Spoilers

Mother changing the words to 'this little piggy' to be more healthy

Children playing in the street

"It's a coming-of-middle-age story."

"Hang on! - we've possibly go another couple of films left in here!!"

"Whoops - I Accidentally Pressed 'Elevator Pitch.'"

'Who else have I written for? Ridge Park Avenue, 7th Street, Elm Road, Thornwood Drive...'

Criminal background checks on teachers? How come? To weed out child abusers. Ha! When you taught, you were routinely accused of severe abuse, mother. True. I inflicted the letters "C," "D" and "F" on many of my students. Wow! That's so outlawed.

Crafty Beer: "I'm making a scrapbook of when you were still fermenting."