Teen Talker Gifts

'Copy and study this list of text message spelling words. We will have test tomorrow.'

When I wet the bed at my first sleepover? Worse. When I asked what they served at the bar at Josh's Bar Mitzvah? Worse. I give up. What humiliating experience did you just endure? Shudder. My mom said she's taking me bra shopping. At least you need to go bra shopping.

Should I wear my good sweater and skirt or

"Sure I used drugs when I was your age, but they were all prescribed for acne."

"Young man, go to your room and stay there until your cerebral cortex matures."

Science Dept...Entomology: 'Too bad humans don't spend their teen years in pupa like insects.'

"Well, I've come this close to asking out Sylvia Sanchez. But I'm just an average guy! Nothing about me says 'I'm cool! Look at me!'"

"A major crime publisher is interested in publishing your homework!"

"Another barnacle?!" "I was a teenage creature."

A boy and his spin patrol.

An English and French student converse.

'These are very powerful tranquilizers for when your teen has he horrific tantrums. Take two of them anytime she flares up.'

'Would you stop with the Twitter alerts already? I'm standing right behind you.'

"I don't know...but it seems like nothing ever changes around here. It's like we've been 15 years old forever!"

"He's gonna be bad for business."

"Oh come now, darling. When I was your age, I felt different, too."

SEX EDUCATION, 'It's a crazy idea, but it just might work.'

"My drone strikes are successful, Sir, but I keep getting trash talk from a 15 year old in Montana."

"I don't need to get out of bed, ma - I programmed an app to live my life for me."

"So what's your definition of 'love'?"

"I wouldn't worry, at his age grunting to communicate is quite normal."

'Young lady, you're not going anywhere until you clean your lint trap!'

'Adolescents act like babies when they aren't treated like adults!'

'Aunt Val's pretty cool. . . Kind of hot actually. . . for an older lady.'

"I don't get it. Diego Dominguez has a 1963 Chevy Impala convertible, all the girls think he's cute and all the guys think he's cool! Why can't I have that?"

'Yes, puberty did put me through a lot of stress. . . but it was my daughters puberty.'

Sugar And Spice And Full On Drama

Just think! If the mall goes bust, what happens to all that paved-over land? Save our mall. We could roll up the asphalt and start a huge nature preserve. What about current wildlife? Hmm�You're right. I don't think the endangered species act covers mall rats.

"I'm sorry, but so far medical science hasn't come up with a cure for adolescence."

The surrendered mom

'Did you feel that??'

'Son, you're too old for pester power, why don't you go outside and get some peer pressure.'

Sometimes I worry about you, Axel. Teenagers are a big source of anxiety for their guardians. You don

"The way I see it, high school prepares you for early adulthood, which is kind of a warm-up for your mid-life crisis, and THAT'S when you finally learn what you really should do with your life!"

"Keep going, Jason! You're passing my dad's first test."