Teen Talker Gifts

'Copy and study this list of text message spelling words. We will have test tomorrow.'

"Sure I used drugs when I was your age, but they were all prescribed for acne."

"Young man, go to your room and stay there until your cerebral cortex matures."

Science Dept...Entomology: 'Too bad humans don't spend their teen years in pupa like insects.'

"Well, I've come this close to asking out Sylvia Sanchez. But I'm just an average guy! Nothing about me says 'I'm cool! Look at me!'"

"A major crime publisher is interested in publishing your homework!"

A boy and his spin patrol.

"Another barnacle?!" "I was a teenage creature."

'These are very powerful tranquilizers for when your teen has he horrific tantrums. Take two of them anytime she flares up.'

"He's gonna be bad for business."

"I don't know...but it seems like nothing ever changes around here. It's like we've been 15 years old forever!"

"Oh come now, darling. When I was your age, I felt different, too."

"I don't need to get out of bed, ma - I programmed an app to live my life for me."

"My drone strikes are successful, Sir, but I keep getting trash talk from a 15 year old in Montana."

SEX EDUCATION, 'It's a crazy idea, but it just might work.'

"So what's your definition of 'love'?"

"I wouldn't worry, at his age grunting to communicate is quite normal."

'Young lady, you're not going anywhere until you clean your lint trap!'

'Aunt Val's pretty cool. . . Kind of hot actually. . . for an older lady.'

Sugar And Spice And Full On Drama

'Yes, puberty did put me through a lot of stress. . . but it was my daughters puberty.'

'Adolescents act like babies when they aren't treated like adults!'

The surrendered mom

"I'm sorry, but so far medical science hasn't come up with a cure for adolescence."

"The way I see it, high school prepares you for early adulthood, which is kind of a warm-up for your mid-life crisis, and THAT'S when you finally learn what you really should do with your life!"

'Did you feel that??'

"You want to know about my day? Mom, didn't we just do this last month?"

'Son, you're too old for pester power, why don't you go outside and get some peer pressure.'

"Junior must be in here somewhere."

"Don't roll your third eye at me."

"Seriously! My mother says she remembers when all you could do with a cell phone was make calls."